Revisiting Custody Agreements as Your Children Grow

February 15th, 2025
Posted By
Sarah M. Litowich
Man signing custody contract at meeting with social worker
It can be hard to imagine what life will be like in a year, much less several years, when you have growing children. If you have a custody agreement in place after a divorce or breakup, you made it with the needs of your children in mind. But those needs are almost certain to change over time, along with other circumstances. That means that custody agreements that make perfect sense today may not work as well in a few years. As a parent, you are committed to doing what is best for your children. You know the importance of providing them stability and predictability when possible, as well as the virtue of being able to change course for their sake when needed. That may mean revisiting custody agreements from time to time as they grow.

When Should Parents Consider Revisiting Custody Agreements?

Because children need stability, as noted above, you shouldn’t change your custody arrangements on a whim. That said, there are certain circumstances when it makes sense to do an honest assessment of your current custody agreement, and whether an update would benefit your family. Here are some times when you might reevaluate:

Your Child’s School Situation is Evolving

One of the most common reasons to reconsider your custody agreement is when your child is about to change schools, such as from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school. Their schedule may change, they may begin participating in new extracurricular activities, playing sports, or taking lessons that complicate the existing schedule.

One Parent Needs to Move

Job changes, new relationships, or other obligations may mean that parents no longer live within an easy drive of each other. Depending on the distance, it may be best for a child to stay with one parent during the school year, and the other parent during breaks from school. Even in closer moves, the reality of increased travel time between parents may warrant a tweak of the schedule.

Changes in Parent Schedules

Children aren’t the only ones whose schedules change! A parent may get a new job, shift, or position that changes their availability. Maybe there are more overnight shifts, or less travel, than when the original agreement was made. If there is an opportunity for a schedule change that accommodates a parent’s new situation and is still in the child’s best interest, it may be time to consider revisiting the custody agreement.

Health or Emotional Needs

Sadly, sometimes there are unforeseen changes to a parent’s health, or to a child’s. Depending on the circumstance, it may make sense for the child to move back and forth less frequently, or for one parent to take on the heavier lifting of parenting so the other can devote more energy to regaining their health.

The Child’s Preference

For a variety of reasons, children may want to spend more time with one parent or the other as they grow. That doesn’t mean every expressed wish for a change needs to be honored—some reasons are better than others. But as your child grows, you should at least hear them out if they ask for a change to the custody schedule. After all, it affects them the most, and they should have some input, even though parents have the final say.

How to Go About Revising Custody Agreements

Your existing child custody agreement may have been reached after much stress and conflict, especially if it was part of your divorce. That doesn’t mean that changing custody agreements needs to be fraught. Approach a possible change from the perspective that you and your co-parent are teammates working together for your child’s well-being—not opponents trying to “win” at custody. In that spirit, try to take an objective look at your existing agreement together. What works well? What hasn’t worked out as well as you hoped? What, if any, preferences have your child expressed? While it is important to take your child’s wishes into account, especially if they are older, it is also important not to put them in the middle or make them feel that they must choose between parents. Pay attention to how initial attempts to discuss changing the custody agreement with your co-parent goes. If tempers quickly flare or the conversation becomes unproductive, take a step back. It may be that you need a neutral third party to help facilitate the discussion. Family mediation can often help parents reach a “win-win” resolution that works for everyone. Once you come to a conclusion about how to tweak your custody agreement, whether on your own, with a mediator’s help, or through your attorneys, it’s time to make it official. Speak with your family law attorney about having the agreement submitted to the court to become a binding custody order. If you have an existing order in place, it will remain in effect until superseded by a new order.

Work with an Experienced Oregon Family Law Attorney

Your custody agreement affects the well-being of your entire family. It’s important to review it periodically to make sure that it works for everyone—especially your children. The guidance of an experienced family law attorney can help. Based in Salem, Litowich Law helps with property division in divorce, so that you and your family can feel secure about your financial future. We work with clients throughout Oregon, and welcome you to contact us for a consultation.
Categories: Child Custody